When the Season Changes

On sundowning, caregiving, and the small ways we can keep light alive for ourselves and each other.

🍂 On Sundown, Seasons, and Slowing Down

Fall is my favorite time of year.

I love the changing colors of the leaves—and as a Southern Californian, where you have to hunt (drive or fly) to find seasons, fall still feels like the most beautiful time of all.

Vail, Colorado

Durham, North Carolina

It’s a season of transition—of quieting down, reflection, elections, and gathering with friends and family.

But it can also be a hard time. Family time can be complicated.
Caregiving gets tougher with cold and flu season. Sundowning happens more often.
And as the days shorten, isolation can creep in too.

For those who’ve felt that mix of beauty and heaviness, I want to share some reflections and small ways to deepen care through it all.

Kyoto, Japan — I definitely fly to find the season!

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🌙 Less Sun, More Sundowning

With Alzheimer’s, fall also means more frequent sundowning for my mother.

Sundowning is when someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia experiences mood changes as the sun goes down. They might get anxious, confused, or paranoid—sometimes imagining things that aren’t there.

Even the smallest change in light can affect their whole body. It always astonishes me how delicate and sensitive Alzheimer’s and dementia are. As the days shorten, their rhythms shift and you meet a new person.

For my mother, she grows quiet and tired early—as early as 5 or 6 p.m.—and sometimes goes to bed without dinner. She gets so quiet it seems like she forgot to how to speak sometimes, very unresponsive and not herself. We sometimes see her hallucinate. She’ll even sleep 12+ hours straight. I still find myself checking if she’s breathing after 12 hours, and she always is—sleeping like a little bear in winter.

I wish it were just hibernation, but it’s more than that. The darkness can deepen confusion and sadness. It’s disorienting—and heartbreaking to witness.

Each year, I learn new ways to help her stay grounded. This year, it’s mood lighting—small, glowing reminders to keep light alive a little longer. For her, for others like her, for all of us who feel the shift when the world grows darker.

Learn more about sundowning here.

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💛 How to Deepen Care During This Transition

Fall isn’t just about change — it’s an invitation to slow down and deepen care.
For ourselves. For each other. For our communities.

There’s research showing that doing something kind for others improves our mood, boosts connection, and reminds us we’re part of something bigger.

We all go through transitions this time of year — some small, some more complicated. The shorter days, the upcoming holidays, the pressure to “end the year strong” — it can stir a mix of gratitude, anxiety, and exhaustion. Deepening care, even in small ways, can help us move through it with more ease and connection.

This fall, I decided to test that out in a simple way — to help myself adjust to the changes my mother was experiencing and to ease the anxiety I was beginning to feel. Instead of door-knocking or phone banking, I challenged myself to help 50 friends turn in their ballots — a way to (re)connect with friends and strengthen community through care.

In California, we had a special election with just one item on the ballot — easy to miss in the middle of life’s chaos. As someone who believes in systems of care, especially within government, the best way to make an active impact is to vote. So I made gentle posts, sent reminders, and texted friends — even those who vote every year.

Because here’s what I’ve learned:
Never assume the people who “have it together” don’t need encouragement.
A simple “you’re the best” or “thank you for voting!” can go a long way — for every kind of voter, and especially for those balancing caregiving or simply doing their best to stay engaged.

The greatest act of care is showing up for your community.
And sometimes, showing up means being the gentle reminder — the one who helps others follow through, talk through their ballot, or just feel seen.

It turned out to be an excellent exercise for me. Friends I rarely talk to shared that they now plan to vote in every election — and will always reach out if they have questions. I love being that friend. Thank you for trusting and relying on me.

I don’t always get to show up for friends because of my caregiving duties, but I care deeply about civic engagement. What surprised me most was that this small challenge, meant to build a sense of connection, ended up deepening my friendships in the process, and Prop 50 passed! It was a huge win for California.

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🫶 Simple Ways to Ground & Gather This Season

I realized that even in seasons of change — whether it’s caregiving, elections, or shifting daylight — we all need gentle reminders to stay connected. The truth is, transitions can be tender for everyone. Sometimes they’re small; other times they’re big and complicated, especially around the holidays.

So as we move through this season together, here are a few ways to ground yourself, gather with others, and offer care in simple, meaningful ways.

Host a low-pressure Friendsgiving.
Skip the big spread — tell people to bring leftovers and wear their comfiest clothes. It’s about connection, not perfection.

Support local food banks.
With SNAP benefits cut, food banks and soup kitchens are stretched thin. Gather friends to donate a few items or volunteer an hour — small acts go a long way. With SNAP benefits being cut in time for Thanksgiving, I listened to this podcast on what that will mean for families across the country.

Create a “sundown ritual.”
While there are dramatic shifts in Alzheimer’s and dementia patients, sundowning can impact us, too. The change is off-putting for many people. Seasonal depression is real.
Light a candle, go for a walk, or check in on someone as the sun sets. Schedule a “yap and walk” a walking phone session with a friend around sunset.
It’s a reminder that we all need a little light during darker hours.

Send a “Quality of Life” email.
Instead of a birthday post or party, my friend sent an email to his circle with a simple Google Form and one question: “What’s the best quality-of-life improvement you’ve made this year?”

It could be anything — a new habit, a gadget, something you stopped doing, or a small change that made life feel lighter, with the option to include a link or resource. Responses will be shared anonymously, though you will need to provide your email to receive the results from everyone.

When the results came back, over 65 people had shared their stories and tips. Reading them was such a delight — even though I didn’t know most of the respondents, I felt connected, encouraged, and inspired by the small ways we’re all trying to care for ourselves and live better.

So why not start now? If you feel so inclined, please take a moment to think about a meaningful quality-of-life improvement you’ve made this year and share it with me. Tips and results will be in your inbox in a few weeks.

Rest without guilt.
Let yourself slow down. Fall is nature’s cue to exhale — you don’t have to fight it.

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🍁 Closing Reflection

Fall teaches me that care is cyclical. The leaves fall. The light changes.
We slow down. And in that slowing, we remember what matters most — and allow ourselves to rest. The road ahead won’t always be easy, but like the seasons, it will ebb and flow. What feels like an ending is often just a pause before renewal.

If any of this resonates, I’d love to hear how you’re deepening care this season.

With gratitude and warmth,

Viva

If this reflection spoke to you, consider forwarding it to a friend who might need a little light right now. That’s how care spreads. 💛